No Angel
by NeoMoon
Summary: One of the senshi shed light on their past, and their feelings toward it. Which senshi? You'll have to read to find out. Please R


Sailor Moon  
"No Angel"  
By: NeoMoon  
Rated: PG-13  
  
I can remember a time that seems so long ago. A time that felt like an endless summer. A time   
of laughs and piggyback rides.  
  
That was long ago before my mother died. I remember her funeral, my father gripping my hand   
tightly as we listened to the priest say words and things that sounded so false, they didn't   
remind me of her. I looked up at my father tears welling in my eyes, but he just looked into the   
distance, not even at the box of wood they had put my mother into. I didn't understand much of   
what was happening, how could I? I was young.  
  
That day my father changed.   
  
He went through extremes days would pass and I would see him, only feel him as I tried to sleep   
and forget of my mother in her hospital bed. I knew he blamed himself, I knew it, but he would   
never let me close enough to hug him and try to help, it was like he closed the door on me.  
  
Then it happened, I got sick like my mother did, the doctors called it cancer, but to me it was   
just a pain in my stomach. And again my father changed.  
  
That was when he started to bring to his lab, to show me his work. He would tell me that his   
experiments would help me and drive the cancer away; I knew he really did it for my mother. But   
I was young, what could I do?  
  
I suppose in the end he did help me, I can remember it so clearly, as if it only happened   
yesterday. I watched behind the heavy glass, my father at his computer, never looking at me,   
that's when the noise started.   
  
It happened so fast, people started to run around, I knew they were scarred, a few even tried to   
get out of the room, but the doors had locked. Then the glass broke, and all sound even my own   
scream as the glass cut into my body was drowned out.   
  
I don't believe I passed out, I could feel the fire licking over my body like a hungry dog, I   
could smell my flesh cooking. Then it all stopped, and I was covered in this brilliant light.  
  
That's when he made his decision, something I will never forgive him for.  
  
I felt as if I was on a roller coaster that had suddenly stopped, jarring my body. The light was   
eaten away by a terribly cold darkness, and I saw her face for the first time.  
  
I woke in a hospital, my young mind scared; it looked so much like my mother's. I remember   
doctors visiting me, but never my father, he never came. I wondered if he even understood how   
scarred I was? Didn't he know, couldn't he feel? Later I found that he couldn't  
  
Years passed, time was a blur to me; all I could remember was being sad and tormented by dreams.   
Then she came; she was so light and happy. I wished I could be like her, to not have to always   
hide and be alone. She was my complete opposite. I think that is why I loved her.  
  
We became friends, and my life again was full of laughter but still the pain encroached, always   
waiting and springing like a loin when I felt happy as if it fed of the energy. I later found   
that it did.  
  
My father was gone even longer then, sometimes weeks would pass and I wouldn't see him. Only   
when he preformed "tests" on me, and that is another memory I wish to bury.  
  
I'm no angel; I'll say that straight up and honest, I've done things I will never forgive myself   
for. Worst of all I enjoyed those things.  
  
The girl, the only friend I had ever had almost died because of me, and I did enjoy it, my father   
as cold as he was almost died and I enjoyed that all the more. I can remember the pained look on   
his face as he tried to explain himself, finally free of the monster inside of him. I forgave   
him by trying to take his life.  
  
The darkness, how ever cold was me, was who I was. I don't care what others say, that it was   
just an alien being inside of me controlling me as if I were a puppet. They are wrong, until the   
end I enjoyed what I did.   
  
But, in a way I suppose it wasn't me, why else would I have resisted in the end. Why would I   
have tried to destroy what I had become? Like I said, I'm no angel. But I am human.   
  
In the last I tried to safe what was left of my soul, and ensured a victory for those who had   
stood against me.   
  
Then the light came again, so brilliant so warm, I felt like a baby once more cuddled in my   
mother's arms, I felt so at peace.   
  
Again though, as the say history repeats itself, and I found that once more I was dragged back to   
my body.  
  
It's a strange thing, fate. To be offered life three times. I didn't deserve it, I knew I   
should have suffered for my crimes, and in a way I did, I was trapped, my mind and soul the same,   
yet my body so different.  
  
Tell me, do you know the humiliation of having to be changed? To be fed? No, you wouldn't.  
  
I wonder when it will end? I wonder if it will end? For I feel something, like a swim caught in   
the tide. Something is coming, and I can do nothing but lay here and cry, and pray some one can   
hear my pleas.   
  
I'm no angel. I know that.  
  
End  
  
NeoMoon 2001  



End file.
